OWNING The second half

Technically, I believe I’m past middle age. But honestly, who cares?

I was 48.5 years old when the above photo was taken. I have two amazing, strong, smart teenage boys. I live in the suburbs with them, my wonderful husband and our dog and I and enjoy – yes enjoy – a professional life.

In this photo, I am the same weight when I married my sweetie 18 years ago. That got me excited until I tried on my wedding dress. It doesn’t fit – it’s too big. I’ve completely changed my body composition – in an entirely awesome way.

I jump out of bed every day, excited about the challenges and opportunities it will bring. I love my life.

But it wasn’t always this way.

Two years ago, I thought I’d lost myself. I was heavier than I had been during both my pregnancies. I was tired all the time, my legs ached, and I didn’t know the person in the mirror.

Is this it? I thought. I was 46 at that point, and looking down a genetic barrel that included cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. This can’t be it, I thought.

I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t think I was worth the time.

Is this you? Is this where you are? If so, I want to tell you I see you. And dammit woman, you are worthy. So worthy. YOU ARE SEEN.

YOU ARE WORTH THE TIME. THE EFFORT.

You deserve to love yourself.

I’m creating this blog for two reasons – one, I’m a storyteller, and I need a creative outlet. I’m running out of room on my Instagram captions. (Feel free to follow me on IG here.) I’m hoping to blog/share my journey in my little basement gym, the kitchen… and my mindset.

I’m also a recovering perfectionist. I’ll write more on this in the “mind” section of this blog.

Secondly, I’m hoping to inspire more women like me, around my ‘vintage’, who have given everything to their spouses, parents, siblings, kids. I hope you agree that it’s time to give something to yourself.

Because here’s the thing, if you give yourself happiness, you’ll be happy to give to everyone in your life. Trust me on this.

If you’re curious, here’s my athletic background: I worked on horse farms as a kid, getting pretty strong. Did nothing through university and gained more weight than both of my pregnancies by third year of my undergrad. (One should not have poutine for dinner every night).

Then, at 27, I was introduced to rowing. And I got a peek at my strength. I competed internationally, raced in marathons in the U.S. and Canada, and even did a few triathlons.

I have the medals to prove these accomplishments, but I never felt good about my Amazon (the island of remarkable women, not the e-commerce platform) body. And I always struggled with my weight and the scale. I never, ever felt worthy. I was never ‘good enough.’

And then I got married, lived a wonderful life with two busy boys, and lost myself. I thought it was just a natural progression that I slowly watch this body grow obese as my sense of self worth shrank.

I’m so glad I was wrong. Because I realize now that this life of feeling my worth is just starting. I’m happy to bring you along on this journey.

Let’s go slay the second half, shall we?